When your self esteem relies on what others think

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After working with so many people over the years – one thing I know for absolute certain is this….

If you constantly look for validation for who you are from others, it’s a recipe for anxiety and overwhelm.

The simple fact is…… If you don’t love YOURSELF – others will find it hard to.

When you constantly want others to let you know that

– you’re doing the right thing

– that you look ok

– they like you

– and reassure you.

You are looking for love in ALL the wrong places.

  • When we can’t sooth and reassure ourselves and feel love for who we are.
  • When we look for others to do it.
  • We dance on a precipice of other people opinions.
  • And sooner or later we fall!

Fall because someone looked at you in the wrong way, or that one of your colleagues is more friendly to another colleague than you.

This addiction and dependancy on what others think makes you less authentic, because you mould yourself to what you think others will like best.

No one wins when people show up less than they really are.

Relationships become superficial and will be based on a dynamic that is trying to support a fragile sense of self. And realistically no amount of affection or Facebook likes will be enough!


What do I help my clients to do?

Love themselves. Yep! Love themselves so they can have self approval and stop searching elsewhere for the bit they unconsciously feel is missing, or looking to heal.


So, how do I do that?

  1. Release stuck, negative emotions that are dominating how you are feeling and reacting.
  2. Help people understand that their body can’t distinguish between the thoughts of low self esteem and huge danger. So the much sought emotions of ease. Relaxation and balance – aren’t hard to find.
  3. Teach them ways to become more self aware. To catch their own thoughts and observe them – allowing them to have choices.
  4. How to protect their boundaries.
  5. Learn to accept what’s right for them will not always be the most popular choice and it is ok not to ‘fit in’ sometimes.
  6. And a load more stuff!


But here’s what YOU can do……

  1. Catch yourself when you’re having an internal dialogue that is critical and find a more loving way to speak to yourself.
  2. Look for the things that you DO like about yourself – you’re kindness, you’re good sense of humour or perhaps how brave you have been?
  3. Self care is SO important when you are looking to become more self assured and confident. When you look after yourself, you send a message to your soul that you’re worth it :)
  4. Little treats for yourself – use that nice perfume you have been saving for a special occasion, buy that top or body lotion you have had your eye on for a while, and don’t save it for best.
  5. Look in the mirror every day and say ‘I love you!’
  6. Fake it till you make it? Well it can work if you just pretend to love yourself because you get to know how it feels and the emotion of appreciating yourself is ALL important.


To those of you that this speaks to, I hope that these words give you a few helpful, loving nudges.

And for those of you who have some self love going on – make time to do some more!


With love


P.S I am available for one to one sessions online so click here for more information or give me a call on 01273 738663 to see how I can help.



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