Stop Self Sabotage
Did you know that when a female black widow spider finds her mate, has great spider sex; she is overwhelmed by a strong instinct to kill him? Now I know I am just supposing here but what if she loved him? I mean really had some feelings for her partner but was unable to stop sabotaging any possibility of future happiness together?
I see this same spider instinct in so many of my clients. Ok so it’s not as drastic but no matter how excited or happy a client feels when a golden opportunity comes their way. They enter alien, weird behaviour that destroys the very opportunity they so wanted.
I remember one of my clients, Mandy say she felt possessed. Like another entity made her react badly and write a horrible text when her new boyfriend didn’t call for a couple of days. I’m sure she would have thought twice had she known that his Sister had been taken really ill and he was looking after his Sister’s children while she was in hospital. Needless to say he didn’t want to see her again.
So what made Mandy react in such a destructive way? Mandy was just acting from her subconscious blueprints, habits of emotion and thinking. These habits can wreck havoc on our conscious minds ability to be open to opportunity.
What can cause self-sabotage
Past events that have had a strong emotional impact – Your brain is designed to learn from times when things don’t work out. We are by nature a species that looks for solutions. So in the story of the 3 Little Pigs where both of the houses made of straw and sticks provided no shelter from the big bad wolf. They all ended up with houses made of bricks.
Self-sabotage comes in when you have mis-learnt from an event or other significant person in your life. So you can learn to:
- expect the worst.
- that bad things will always happen to you.
- be fearful of success or failure in the same measure.
- you don’t deserve good things to happen to you because you have somehow learnt you are flawed, not good enough or not deserving of good things and people in your life.
- feel that there is a gain to nothing working out and therefore people seeing you as helpless or a victim.
6 Steps To Stop Self-Sabotage
- Observe yourself and become your own coach – start to notice your feelings when something great happens. Do you start to doubt yourself – become self-critical? Do bad thoughts and feelings about yourself creep in? Are you worried about being successful or failing in the eyes of others?
- Stop justifying sabotaging behaviour. When you have been used to loosing things that you have put value on or really want then it’s easy to justify not taking action. Or, shout and behaving badly.
- Recognize when past events dictate today’s behaviour. Remember your power is in the present not on looking back at the past. Its gone! You can create a new you from today if you ….
- Clear your patterns and start to expect the best. Use tapping or any self help technique to shift the unhelpful patterns above.
- Imagine a situation going really well – use your hypnotic dreamy imagination to vividly imagine any situation going really well.
- Develop a gratitude mentality – And why? Because life won’t always take the route that you plan and want. So have some faith in the process that you are guided by your intuition, towards the best course for you.
Written by Jill Wootton, August 2015.